Get a load of this shit. Full-on fucking amazing lavender body butter with no preservatives, no parabens, no nasty petroleum byproducts, just PURE-ASS NATURAL SHIT. None of that fake shit. Got it?
This might be a good time to take a critical fucking look at that plastic cancer-in-a-bottle lotion you’ve got on your nightstand. It smells good, you say? Uh huh. So does a fucking Dorito factory, but if I rubbed that shit on my skin I’d turn orange and die. THE MAN, that is, the big-ass mega corporate lotion MAN, he sticks all kinds of nasty shit in what’s supposed to be nourishing-ass lotion. Bad shit. Bad fake shit.
But then there’s this shit: shea nuts, coconuts, sunflowers. Pure-ass natural lavender essential oil. All melted down together and whipped to lofty perfection here at Badgerface HQ. So rub this French-smelling fucking amazingness all over your scaly spots and tell that chemical-filled junk where to get off.
– 100% pure-ass natural
– Nourishing fucking shea butter
– None of our products are ever tested on animals
– No fake shit
So unwrap this shit and slather yourself all up. It looks like marshmallow fluff, but don’t fucking eat it, ok? Fucking try and contain yourself.