Get a load of this shit. Full-on fucking amazing body butter with no preservatives, no parabens, no nasty petroleum byproducts, just PURE-ASS NATURAL SHIT. None of that fake shit. Got it?
This might be a good time to take a critical fucking look at that plastic cancer-in-a-bottle lotion you’ve got on your nightstand. It smells good, you say? Uh huh. So does a fucking Dorito factory, but if I rubbed that shit on my skin I’d turn orange and die. THE MAN, that is, the big-ass mega corporate lotion MAN, he sticks all kinds of nasty shit in what’s supposed to be nourishing-ass lotion. Bad shit. Bad fake shit.
But then there’s this shit: shea nuts, coconuts, sunflowers. Pure-ass green tea extract. All melted down together and whipped to lofty perfection here at Badgerface HQ. So rub this natural fucking amazingness all over your scaly spots and tell that chemical-filled junk where to get off.
– 100% pure-ass natural
– Lotion will have a speckled appearance due to natural colorants
– Nourishing fucking shea butter
– No fake shit
So unwrap this shit and slather yourself all up. It looks like marshmallow fluff, but don’t fucking eat it, ok? Fucking try and contain yourself.